im at a point where i look at my older art and realize im doin worse now. Like devolving,.. Ive shared this sentiment before but it was mostly centred on my lack of motivation.

its a mix of that and being insanely sluggish probably. For some reason i have a hard time sleeping now, my sleep schedule is wack and when i wake up i stay in until noon.

i guess thats the life of being unemployed and not in school but also i wish i could do something. The only thing im remotely good at is dtawing and icant even do that, yanno

couple that sluggishness with my laziness i feel like thats a recipe for no good art(from me at least). Because i am a lazy person i make a lot of excuses but i cant even do that anymore because i dont do anythin all day!!!

speaking of art, i feel pretty unmotivated anyway and this has always been a thing ever since i started posting my stuff online. While i do love newgrounds i feel like i dont interact with people too much and make too many friends to be popular

i dont want to be very popular but i want my stuff to be seen likemost artists. So i get a little bummed when i realize ‘ah, i have to work for this.” Since again, i am lazy……

this makes me a little scared for when i have to find a real job, since i know if i ever do monetize my art im probably gonna get unmotivated quickly and disappoint a lot of people. Also tye fact that i am not good at anything besides drawing mediocre anime girls and such

i used to be much better at art and time management, and everything in gneral… i dont know whats going on with me!!!! i feel scared of people now and that led me to delete anything tokuwan(like my twitter and youtube,,..)…

of course i kept newgrounds, its the only place i feel i belong anyway. I stopped going outside awhile ago & basically accidentally alienated more than half of my friends

i hate to keep talking about my issues and personal stuff but i feel like its also maybe fine to say this since it kind of reveals what ive been doing every gap there is in my illustrations… which is nothing

all of tjis is just to say i have to speak to the void because id have to talk to myself if i couldnt

If you read all of this i applaud you but you might have wasted your time reading a teenage girls diary entry

To compensate, i hope this doodle of a girl with a united states flag bikini lets you forgive me for spilling my guts out on a website about sharing art.

I hope this dkesnt come off as political because i drew this a long time ago and i think flag bikini tops are quite cute. + i am not sure what is happening